I should probably be dead.

Sarah Evans
QZ Zone, Central California

How the fuck am I surviving in this place? I guess I'm lucky QZs exist. If they weren't here, I probably would have just covered myself in salt and grenades and run screaming at the nearest pile of uglies.

After seeing that there are other places that have been killing off non-essential animals, I'm even more grateful that my cat is content to sit in my room and chill by himself. The noises make him nervous but he has a window, and if I lost him after losing everything else I'd probably go insane.

I'm almost certain my family is dead. I hear my mom in my head sometimes, just laughing or the way she'd tell me that I could survive anything, but...my depression, you guys, it's kicking my ass.

I mean I guess at least I've lost weight in this situation, that's something. But it's harder and harder to get out of bed. It's harder and harder to come on here and read your words and form words of my own that are even remotely coherent.

I wish I had faith. I wish that I'd found it again after I lost it. Maybe believing in a higher power would make this easier.

I wish I just knew, you know? One way or the other. If they were alive or not. I wish I just knew. Then I could stop living in this world of "but what if they're not dead, though?" Then I could stop thinking that maybe I should just do it again, take my cat and my laptop and my car and head to Missouri, try to find them. It'd be suicide.

I miss them so much. It was different to be apart from them when I knew they were just a phone call or Facebook message or text away.

Sorry for being a Debbie Downer. I just have to be so positive all the time here, for the kids. Keep that customer service game face on.

Anyways, I'm still alive. Sort of. Hang in there.

Thanks for the information!

Sarah Evans
QZ Zone, Central California

Firstly: Thank you to everyone who's been keeping up with this. Thank you, Pastor Dan, for the warning about the screamers. I relayed that to my commanders as soon as possible. And Marjolaine, thank you for the warning about the water. We haven't really had any of the dead close to our supplies, but we reinforced the barriers around our water barrels just in case.

We don't get to catch much rainwater, here. Drought, and all. Usually we recycle it - run it through a few filters, pop some purification tabs, and no one can tell the difference.

And DZ! Thank you for checking in! Your last post had me so worried. I'm glad you're okay.

I'm glad everyone's (mostly) okay.

The guy whose wife and child died is actually doing better. I didn't think he was going to make it, but he bonded with a couple kids who came to us without parents. He's very nurturing. I'm keeping an eye on him as best I can, when I can, but it's nice to have some help tending the kids while the parents are busy.

Anyways, I don't have a lot of time - gotta start cooking - but I just wanted to pop on and say thank you to everyone. Coming here and reading these other voices, knowing that people are out there and living and working and fighting, gives me strength. You're all wonderful.

Keep an eye out, and stay strong, and safe. Love you all.

Are you there, world? It's me, Sarah.

Sarah Evans
QZ Zone, Central California

Well, well, well. This is a very odd turn of events. Hello there, friends. I mean, I suppose you're all friends by default now, right? If your Zone is anything like mine, there's not really enough of us left to be enemies.

The place has been buzzing with rumors that the Internet had suddenly appeared again, but everyone was too afraid to look. I'd brought my laptop with me, when I fled to California...I've mostly been using it to play games, when I'm allowed to use energy. Though I guess we're in a pretty good spot as far as that goes - the people in charge of the Zone here set up solar panels and windmills, and I guess our water, when it gets recycled, also adds power to the generators?

I don't know a whole lot about that. It just means most days we have power. And that's good.

Anyways, I finally decided I'd look. Because if it was true, that meant there were other people still out there who were alive, like us. And if it wasn't...well, if it wasn't, it just meant we went back to not-knowing, right?

I'm really glad you're all here. I hope you're all real.

I guess others have shared a little bit about what happened to them when this whole thing started, so I will too. I was living in Iowa when the news reports came in. I didn't have a TV, so the first I heard about it was people posting videos on Facebook of that news reporter whose face got torn off, going "have you fucking seen this?!?"

Well, yeah. I mean, only in every zombie movie ever. "Mass Hysteria," my ass. I grabbed my cat, my clothes, and my laptop, sent a mass text to my friends in Iowa that I was leaving for California, and got out. My family was out here, after all.

Except they weren't, when I got here. I forgot the cardinal rule, I was too worried about getting to them. Get somewhere remote. Get out of the population centers - that was always the plan. I wonder if they went to my uncle's house...?

Anyway, they weren't here. But a few of my friends are here with me, so that's nice. And they let me keep my cat, so that's doubly nice. Mostly I cook, or look after the few kids that managed to make it into quarantine. I try to be positive. It's really hard not to fall into depression...but I've got those sorority skills that have helped me try to be more optimistic.

I hope my sorority siblings are okay. There were a few sporadic posts on Facebook before the internet went away, and a few texts before cell towers stopped working. Now I've got nothing at all.

Thanks for letting me be honest with you guys. I'd better go - it sounds like the hunters are back, and I'll probably need to help plan the next few days' worth of meals.

Until next time,
Sarah